Advice on creating a conference presentation

Follow these five easy steps to create a presentation for a security conference. Don't bother asking for a Top Ten list. They're unnecessary and would take twice as long to implement anyway.

1. Select a title that includes a bad pun. If you can't think of a pun, then use a weak double entendre. Don't worry about the topic yet.

2. Use copious amounts of bullet points. Each slide should have at least 20 bullets. Use a smaller font if you find it difficult to fit that many on one page. Also consider that one bullet point counts as six punctuation characters. So, don't worry about periods, commas, or even capitalization; semi-colons are equally useless.

3. Omit any references to previous work on the same topic. This just makes the slide deck longer and confuses people who want to find out more information -- the lazy bastards can use a search engine.

4. Make a snide comment about Microsoft. This works very well if you used PowerPoint to make the slides.

5. Create a new acronym. This should preferably contain the word "cross" or "injection." Bonus points if you manage to think of an acronym that can be used as a pun. If it is a profanity, then you've spent too much time coming up with a snappy acronym -- get back on task and write some bullet points.

That's it! Your presentation is ready to satisfy most conferences' Call For Papers. If it gets rejected, then you probably forgot to litter the slides with quotes from Sun Tzu.